Uh-oh, My Mom Got the Shot

Photos by Theo Leconte & Mat Napo, Unsplash

“I got my first shot,” mom says.

Oh shit.

I want to scream. Warn her. But I deflect to macabre humor, instead, so as not to send her into an hysterical tizzy.

Moms and daughters…

“Well, it’s been nice knowing you, mom.” I cackle. Because I’m good at that. You know, pretending up is down, sad is happy, hate is love.

Growing up, if I didn’t master the art of the Oscar-winning performance, I’d quite literally be dead.

“I’d like to thank my parents for instilling the fear of G-d in me by whooping my ass at every opportunity. Often for having the wrong expression DURING the whooping. If it weren’t for them forcing me to put on a happy, mild-mannered face just to survive, I wouldn’t be standing here accepting my award for ‘Best Actress in a Major Motion Picture.’”

She cackles too, mostly because my maniacal laughter’s kind of contagious. Like COVID.

I don’t blame her, or anyone else for getting the shot. Who cares if they rushed it, if former President Trump was the one behind Operation Warp Speed, if everything they (scientists, doctors, media, government) have been saying about cold and flu is now forgotten fiction?

Opposite day. Oh, the irony of it all.

She can’t leave the island of Oahu without a full, two-dose vaccination against Sars-Cov-2 (“Severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2, formerly known as the 2019 novel coronavirus,” Wikipedia), which means no Vegas and no visiting her two grown children on the Mainland, my younger brother in San Francisco and me up here in Idaho.

She’s also not the kind of person to put up much of a fight (unless you’re my late father, who only wanted her to love him back but always had a funny way of showing it)…as a first-generation, Americanized Korean immigrant.

My once-beautiful, vacuous, superficial mom is the kind of person who blows with the wind. Whatever’s trendy, popular; whatever will get her through the door from rags to riches and a decadent Gangnam lifestyle that most (stereotypical) Korean women dream of.

If you tell her to cut off her left hand to get through the gates of heaven, and that heaven is filled with gold bullion, Louis Vuitton, Mercedes-Benz, Gucci, and endless cha-cha-cha dancing with Engelbert Humperdinck, she’d be like, “Where’s the machete?”

Besides, my 74-year-old Korean mother doesn’t really have much of a choice. At her age, she has to get the COVID shots. I don’t think TPTB (The Powers That Be) give anyone over 60 a choice in the matter, much like NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo — that douchebag — didn’t, reportedly forcing even more infected old folks into old folks homes, a hotbed of COVID across the country.

For the first time in my life, I’m actually relieved to be relegated to the back of the line, left to rot, because of high demand, low supply, and inefficient infrastructure (that’s what you get when you rush last minute, acting out of fear).

I hope they continue to forget I exist.

I’m not taking the shot. Fuck you.

I’ve already made that mistake. I probably (inadvertently) gave my only child chronic, uncontrolled asthma with the ill-advised FluMist that went away after a few years of real-time trials. G-d knows what else I saddled him with by getting yearly flu shots, from the moment he was conceived.

Oh, and my mom?

Major side effects. Every person reacts differently to the Covid shot.

She complained her arm blew up and itches like mad, weeks and weeks later, still. Her boyfriend Mike got both shots, and he nearly went to the ER with Covid symptoms, including a temperature of over 100 degrees F.

Conspiracy theorists (the ones who were talking about UFOs, Epstein, and Hunter Biden years ahead of their time) claim the vaccine can cause infertility, spontaneous abortions, messed-up menstrual cycles, and even death within hours to days.

Remember, virologists and other medical professionals haven’t given this new vaccine enough time to determine the full, long-term scope of side effects. It also doesn’t 100 percent shield people from getting Covid, or its variant strains.

Go back several years, when Big Media/Big Tech swore up and down in relentless fall-to-winter headlines about the Big Flu Vaccine on average being maybe 10–20 percent effective in reducing symptoms, but never 100 percent? Now, they’re saying the Covid vaccine has to be over 10 percent effective, or what’s the point…like vaccines have never been 10 percent effective before.

Blah, blah, etc.

I haven’t seen my mom since summer of 2019.

Let’s hope the experts are right and the conspiracy theorists are overreacting. For all our sakes.

Originally published at https://carolbankswebercoggie.wordpress.com on March 27, 2021.

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