Uh, What Happened to Online Porn?

Isn’t anyone gonna, like, say something about this?

Hello?

Last week, I did an online search for women-run adult porn on Duck, Duck, Go (not Google, but I went there later, to double-check what I wasn’t seeing), and found…nothing but anti-porn lectures, an unhelpful article about all the porn stars you’re watching being dead, this piece of Orwellian thought, and a 2016 Salon report on the “7 places to find porn that’s actually worth watching,” which — when I clicked on the links — turned out to be not worth watching (rather, reading).

Nerd porn. Honest to god, WTF?

When did porn become obsolete?

Wasn’t it around just last year, pre-COVID?

Why? Like, why? Is it because we’re forced to keep our hands to ourselves, or because the perverts refuse to? Did the Feds discover human trafficking rings at the porn sites, and shut them all down?

Is everyone whacking off to Animé now? Sex dolls? Tissue boxes, towels, and vacuum cleaners, fantasizing about Biden and Bots in the back room?

What else is getting censored? Well, besides free speech in general that goes against the context-less, fragile Cancel Culture.

Tomorrow, when I look for, say, rock bands from the ‘70s, will they be blanket-banned from virtual existence next, because they had groupies? Eighties hip-hop rappers, because they cuss out bitches and hos?

Led Zeppelin, what’s that? 2 Live Crew? Never heard of ‘em.

I mean, look what happened to poor Mr. Potato Head & Dr. Seuss. (Btw, Barbra Streisand movies’ll be next. Check out “On A Clear Day You Can See Forever,” her 1970 musical. Loaded with racist shit.)

Even more mind-boggling: Why is nobody bringing this up but me? Not even in an innocent essay on Medium or WordPress? Or maybe they are, and Big Tech is systematically removing it, blog for blog, for some reason.

A viral pandemic erupts — and people turn into Puritans. Sure, Jan.

It’s not like we’ve stopped fucking around. Come on!!

Worst of all, people are too terrified about dying (before they’re ready), I guess, to notice or care.

Where am I? Is this hell? A dream simulation? A goddamned video game?

If I turn on my vibrator right now, will the police show up with tasers?

Please. Somebody say something!

Jazz Medium©: Feeling the music, one review at a time.

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